Dealing With Disappointment During COVID19

How do you deal with disappointment during the COVID 19 pandemic? People are experiencing many different emotions during this lockdown. These include: sadness, anger, anxiety, depression, isolation, grief, and also disappointment. We are canceling plans. There are no sporting events to attend, graduation ceremonies are canceled, weddings, vacations, and conventions have been postponed. To top it off, we are entering summer which often means cookouts with friends, festivals, parties, and trips to the cabin or lake. These might very well be canceled too if the shelter at home orders are extended. All of this can cause a deep sense of disappointment. The problem with disappointment is that it can lead to depression, anxiety, and hopelessness. If you are already struggling with depression, disappointment will only compound that.  

Before I talk about how to deal with disappointment, it’s important to understand the dynamics of disappointment. We’ve all felt disappointment in our lives, but what causes it?  Disappointment is the direct result of our expectations, our hopes, our goals, not being met. When our expectations, hopes, or goals aren’t met, we feel a sense of loss. Namely disappointment.

The degree of disappointment varies on the significance you have placed on a certain expectation or hope. For example, if you expect to get apples when you go to the store, and the store is fresh out of apples, you might feel disappointed. However, not being able to get an apple is not that significant, and your level of disappointment won’t be too high.  Let’s take another example: you expect your check to be direct deposited into your bank account on Friday morning. You expect to pay your mortgage and get some groceries since you have been running low on food. One of your goals is to never be late on a mortgage payment.  If that check isn’t deposited, and because this expectation is incredibly significant, you will feel a huge loss—a huge sense of disappointment. In a nutshell: the amount of disappointment you feel directly correlates to the significance that you place on an expectation or a hope.

We don’t have much control on what is happening now. We surely can’t control when the state reopens. We can’t force events and plans to proceed as usual during these times. So, what can you do in the case of COVID 19?

First, check your expectations. Are they reasonable and realistic?  In the above two examples, it is reasonable to expect your check to be direct deposited if you are still working.  It may not be reasonable to except that apples will always be available at the store. And really, if you can’t get an apple, that’s ok. You could pick up some other fruit. Being flexible and patient during these stressful times will be extremely helpful in managing disappointment. Finally, don’t spend too much time dwelling on your disappointments.  Accept that there are things you cannot control right now. Spending too much time ruminating on disappointments will cause you to feel anxious, depressed, angry, and hopeless. Instead, remind yourself that this too shall pass. The lockdowns will end. We will be able to do all those fun things we had planned…they may just need to wait a while. Keep your focus on the future.

Comment below and let me know how you are dealing with disappointment. If you are struggling with disappointment and depression, and you would like to speak to me, please send me an email. I look forward to hearing from you.

To Health, Hope and Healing,

Krista