Remember my blog post about self-hatred? Did that resonate with you? Are you overly critical of yourself? I’ve got good news for you. There are ways to overcome self-hatred. (If you missed the blog post on self-hatred, take a quick look at it, then come back and read this).
One of the best ways to overcome self-hatred is by practicing self-compassion. Self-compassion goes a long way in preventing depression. It can also help us improve connection with others and help us maintain good mental health and wellbeing. Self-compassion is defined as “Being kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings…” (Neff). Basically, it means you treat yourself the same when you succeed and when you fail. An example would be if you make a mistake at work you might say to yourself, “No one is perfect. Lots of people make mistakes. I will do better next time.”
The benefits of self-compassion include:
- Positive mood
- Increased motivation
- Higher agreeableness
- Increased curiosity, exploration, and learning
- Conscientiousness
- Increase optimism
- Greater happiness
So, what does compassion for yourself look like? It means you accept and love yourself. You are capable to forgiving yourself. You treat yourself with respect and kindness. You understand and practice self-care, and you understand that mistakes are normal for all humans. I’m personally working on allowing myself to be more compassionate towards myself. I tend to be critical of my short comings. Recently, I’ve been working on allowing myself to make mistakes, accept my short comings, forgive myself, and accept who I am.
Here are some tips for practicing self-compassion:
1. Change your thinking: Self-compassion is not self-indulgence or selfishness.
If you find yourself believing that showing compassion to yourself is selfish, please practice thought stopping or shifting this thought. There is nothing selfish about showing yourself compassion. In fact, self-compassion allows you to be a better partner, friend, parent, worker, etc. This is the furthest thing from selfishness.
2. Be kind to yourself
Pay attention to your internal dialogue. Are you constantly beating yourself up? Would you talk to a friend the way you talk to yourself? If you find you aren’t talking to yourself the way you would talk to a friend, or if you are continually beating yourself up, flip the script. Literally. Start telling talking to yourself the way you would talk to a friend. Start showing yourself some grace.
3. Practice positive affirmations
Positive affirmations are a great way to begin practicing self-compassion. You can start small with a few affirmations each day. These can be as simple as:
I am enough
I am loved
I am kind
I will treat myself with kindness
If you want to end the cycle of self-hatred, start showing yourself compassion today. Let me know what you’re going to do, your struggles, and your successes. I would love to hear from you.
To Health, Hope, and Healing
Krista
References:
Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Kristin Neff
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